Professional Relationship Dos and Don'ts

We all know that relationships are at the heart of everything we do in leadership.  Our success in leadership hinges on our ability to develop and maintain positive, working relationships with our colleagues.  Oftentimes, navigating these relationships with our colleagues can be the biggest challenge we face.

Having worked as a principal in a fairly large school district, fostering relationships with my principal colleagues was a challenge because of time and proximity.  The bi-weekly or monthly principal meetings were just enough for us to check in, ask about each other’s families, exchange a few professional pearls of wisdom and go on our way, only to wait another month to “rinse and repeat.” 

During the last three years, I have been a part of a leadership team in a small international school.  All of my principal and administrative colleagues work under the same roof.  While some of the same challenges of working in a larger educational system are still present, other obstacles present themselves in a smaller setting.  Having had experiences in both small and large educational systems, Based on my experiences in both settings, I’ve come up with four pieces of advice to help you navigate these relationships and keep peace, harmony and collaboration at the focus!

Challenge #1:  Communication – Don’t take the easy way out!

Communication in any setting can be difficult.  Oftentimes, we rely on the easiest and most time-saving way to communicate.  This is typically email.  When sensitive topics need to be discussed, it’s important to use methods of communication that allow all participants in the conversation to understand fully and let nothing get lost in interpretation.  Use your phone or walk down and have an actual conversation with your colleague, especially if the topic of conversation is time-sensitive or delicate in nature. 

Challenge 2: Collaborate – When decisions need to be made, don’t skip important steps.

Leadership can be fast-paced, requiring decisions to be made quickly.  Thinking through the decision and the potential impacts is helpful in determining your next steps and who needs to be informed and/or involved in a decision.  Proceed with extreme caution when attempting to make decision, big or small, when others are involved or need to have their opinions heard.  Rushing communication or skipping it altogether can only lead to mistrust and frustration.

Challenge 3: Assume positive intentions - Have a positive presupposition, but hold your colleagues accountable.

It’s important when working closely with our colleagues to have positive presuppositions.  The reality, however, is that this can be very difficult, especially in an environment of distrust and poor communication.  Always assuming the best intentions is an effective practice for school leaders.  This does not mean that when we feel a colleague has done something offensive or unprofessional that we turn the other cheek and say to ourselves, “I’m sure (insert person’s name) had good intentions so I will let it go.”  Repeated offenses of this nature can cause frustration and lead to more friction in the professional relationship. We owe it to our colleagues and the culture of the school to address these issues in a constructive (not destructive) way. 

Challenge 4: Talk it out – When there’s an issue, don’t ignore the problem.

When a colleague feels the need to talk something out with you (based usually on an interaction or experience they’ve had with you), don’t ignore the request.  Typically, these requests are intended to surface and resolve relationship issues so that they can be laid to rest.  When these requests are ignored, colleagues can only speculate as to why the request was ignored.  This speculation usually leads to dangerous territory and can ultimately lead to the demise of your professional relationship.